we formed a new religion
by Tiffany Blews
Summary: She feels like a god, high on life and liquor and Cat's body. Jade/Cat.


we formed a new religion

**fandom: **victorious

**pairing: **jade/cat

* * *

><p>"Rock and roll is dead," Jade tells her.<p>

Cat watches the words roll off her tongue and hears guitar riffs in her ears, thinks of sweaty skin, red lips, and metal in her mouth.

* * *

><p>Beck smokes cigarettes, not because he wants to, but because it's an addiction. His hands start to shake when the craving sets in; she steadies his jumping fingers with her own. She can believe she is like that for him... She is a cigarette, a dose of nicotine that he can't live without.<p>

She can believe that, yes.

He quits smoking when he starts dating Tori.

Jade tries not to laugh when she sees him throw out his Marlboros during lunch. It's ironic and perfect.

* * *

><p>Cat's never snuck out of her house.<p>

That is, until Jade knocks on her window one night, wild eyed and insistant. She says, "Let's go, Cat. Let's _go_."

Cat doesn't even think twice about it.

* * *

><p>Jade takes her to some grungy club in the valley that's packed to capacity with people lined down the block. Cat follows her without question, feeling nervous and jittery all the while. Neither one of them has a fake ID and Cat feels like she looks sixteen and no older, so Jade grabs her hand and leads her around the back. The maintenance door is unlocked, and it's that easy.<p>

Jade's smirk is beautiful when she stands under the lights, hard rock beating through the floor and up into Cat's body. They sip on drinks from the bar that they didn't have to pay for because they winked at the bartender. Jade flirts with some greasy-haired boy who can't be any older than they are and he buys her a beer, which Jade chugs and then slams down before following him out on to the floor. Cat watches from her perch at the bar, alcohol sliding down her throat, her nerves settling slowly as the band winds up. She turns her attention back to the bartender and smiles her way into three more drinks before the second song's over.

Her whole body's buzzing when she finds Jade in the crowd.

* * *

><p>Jade's ears are deaf from the music, all she hears now is a dull thudding, and Cat's twirling, gyrating to some invisible beat. Jade throws her hands to the sky, and she swears she's sweating out every bad feeling she's ever had.<p>

God, is this what freedom's like?

They don't get home until four in the morning and the next day at school is hell with a hangover, but Jade doesn't leave her side and she feels important. She feels powerful and rock and roll and important.

* * *

><p>Smoking is a disgusting habit that Jade picks up because she needs something, and, hey, it worked for Beck. And, apparently, cigarettes are easy to drop (just like she is, but she refuses to let herself think it.)<p>

She's still searching, even with a cigarette clenched tight between her fingertips and a nicotine craving that she can't ignore for more than four hours.

* * *

><p>Cat buys a leather jacket and ripped tights so she can fit in when she and Jade go out again. Her sparkly dresses are hot, but they aren't made for grunge clubs and metals bands.<p>

Jade smirks when she picks her up on that next Friday night, and Cat loves it. She _loves _it.

* * *

><p>Jade's nose is on fire with white powder and the room spins and the boys are fucking hot but the only thing she needs right now is Cat. She stumbles out of the VIP room and back on to the floor, her heart racing, her hips moving with the rhythm of the drums. Cat's vibrant hair is fanned out as she spins, and Jade grabs her waist, pulls her tight against her chest. They move together, until the sun rises and the club closes, when Jade's high is long gone and Cat's headache is just setting in.<p>

Jade dyes her hair a deep black with no other colors, starts ironing it pin straight. She paints her lips bright red and wears nothing but black. Cat stays glued to her side, dark lined eyes and candy red hair, less bouncy laughter and more controlled giggles. They are quite the pair.

Tori spins around in her sequined dresses and Beck takes smoke breaks when he thinks no one's looking. Cat draws hearts in the margins of her papers, which she always turns in on time, and Jade snorts lines in an abandoned janitor's closet, the incarnation of rock and roll. She doesn't know where she's going with this, but she'll take it as far as she possibly can.

* * *

><p>Jade and Cat are wasted one night and decide to get high with some of the boys from the band.<p>

Cat doesn't cough when she inhales, and Jade's impressed but she doesn't show it. The boys talk about their 'vision' and the girls float in and out of consciousness. Jade thinks, if only Tori could see me now. God, she'd be horrified. She'd run screaming out of the room. She laughs at the thought, and Cat presses close to her side, cheek landing on Jade's bare shoulder. She runs her fingers down the length of Cat's thigh, sliding only the tips underneath the edge of her leather skirt. And she wants to move them farther, she wants to push and push and see how far Cat will let her go.

Still, the music thumps around them...

* * *

><p>Cat's mother asks her during dinner what her new look's about.<p>

She giggles, and says it's an actress thing, you wouldn't understand. Cat's father laughs, and her mother rolls her eyes playfully. Life continues on like normal, mom feeds the baby and her brother and dad talk about football and Cat feels bad, if only for a moment, for not fitting in.

* * *

><p>She's smoking outside the theater one day, sitting in the shade because she's wearing black and it's fucking hot in California. Someone opens the door behind her and she drops her cigarette, moving her foot to cover it as she turns around. Beck's got a Marlboro between his teeth, a lighter in his hand as he meets her eyes.<p>

"Jade..." he says softly, and her stomach rolls. She picks her cigarette up off the ground and sticks it in her mouth as she walks away. So what if someone sees her and she gets a detention, she doesn't give a fuck, remember?

* * *

><p>"...feel like we all haven't hung out in a while, and we're growing apart, ya know?"<p>

Tori keeps talking and Cat's fading in and out of the conversation, mind on Jade's fingers twitching along the small of her back.

"Mhm, yeah, whatever." Jade says, and Tori's mouth falls open, her sparkly lips forming a perfect O, "You can go fuck yourself, Vega."

Jade pulls Cat along with her and they laugh as they walk away, heads thrown back and not a care in the world.

* * *

><p>She's sweaty, her nose is burning and the only thing she wants is Cat's skin underneath her fingers. She wants Cat's hips, moving in time with her own. She wants the stares and the looks and the whistles, but she can't find Cat anywhere. She downs a shot at the bar, and shoots a glance around the room, finally locating Cat as she dips low in front of a guy wearing a flannel and dark jeans, his long hair falling in his eyes as he slips his hands down the front of Cat's exposed stomach. She grinds back into him, eyes closed and skin flushed. Music pounds through the room, but Jade could swear its the sound of her heart beating, angry and wanting.<p>

She snorts a line in the VIP room and makes out with a guy on the dance floor and when Cat tries to hold her hand as they leave, she shakes her off.

* * *

><p>She turns in a paper late.<p>

Robbie notices, like always, corners her when class is over.

"What's going on?" he asks, "I haven't seen you turn something in late since kindergarten."

"I have a life, Robbie. That's what's going on."

She feels like Jade when she walks away.

* * *

><p>Fucking ironically, Tori's the one to walk in on her doing coke in the bathroom. The door opens to reveal Miss Sunshine and Daisies, and Jade doesn't even try to hide it. Their eyes meet in the mirror where Jade's braced over the sink, trying to steady the rushing in her head, and Tori looks absolutely horrified. Jade lets her eyes fall shut while she waits for Tori's exclamation of how bad Jade is, how she's ruining her life, how she can't believe this... but nothing comes.<p>

Jade straightens up, turns around, and Tori's got tears in her eyes, she thinks.

She doesn't say anything, but when she leaves, Jade swears she hears her sob.

* * *

><p>It's one of those nights in the club where Jade's only focus is Cat. She doesn't slip off to the VIP room or flirt with a guy for free drinks, she just puts her hands all over Cat, and they dance. All night. They are the center of attention, even the band is watching them, and Jade has such a beautiful smile on her face. Even without the alcohol, Cat knows she would be in awe. And she's confused about a lot of things these days, but she one thing she's sure of is that she wants Jade to kiss her. Just once.<p>

Jade slips her hands low on Cat's hips, puts her mouth on her neck and kisses her jaw, and its enough for one night.

* * *

><p>They hang out with the band boys again, Brandon, Micheal, Kyle, and James, and they've got the best weed in California, they swear. The high hits them better this time, and Cat's got one of the boys rapping and they're all laughing, smoke circulating in the room, alcohol flowing.<p>

Cat's got on ripped tights and a The Strokes shirt, her hair's falling all over her tanned shoulders and she's beautiful. Jade's so high and so ready... she takes Cat's wrist and kisses her, right on the mouth, and she tastes like cotton candy and maple syrup and beautiful things, all in the palm of Jade's hand. The boys laugh and whistle and fade into the background.

After that, neither one of them can get enough.

* * *

><p>Jade trades in her coke time in the janitors closet for Cat time in the janitors closet. She kisses and bites and puts her hands everywhere. Cat's loud and has to be shushed every five minutes but it's fine because Jade loves it.<p>

Cat says, "God, _Jade_... Jesus Christ."

She feels like a god, high on life and liquor and Cat's body.

* * *

><p>"Is Jade, like, okay?"<p>

Cat looks up from the book in her lap, which she's been trying to read for ten minutes but she keeps getting distracted with thoughts of Jade between her legs this morning, and um... What?

"What?"

"Jade... I'm worried about her, Cat."

Cat purses her lips, "Jade's fine, as far as I know. She's been smiling a lot lately."

Cat grins too hard, and Beck nods, walks away. Cat stomach turns.

* * *

><p>They're fucking in a bathroom stall when it slips out, small and timid and it cuts Jade like a knife.<p>

"Don't leave me, _please_, God, Jade..."

* * *

><p>Jade pretends she didn't hear it, but there's a clock ticking in her head.<p>

They buy shots and make out in the middle of the dance floor, liquor heavy on their breath. Jade does coke before school but makes it a point to stop visiting the bathroom. Tori tries to talk to her three times then she decides to give up. Cat starts sleeping over, and waking her up with kisses that are much too soft, much too like the ones she used to share with Beck. Her chest hurts all the time, and she's so fucking scared.

Cat smiles and swings their hands together.

* * *

><p>"Jade, are you..." Tori moves closer to her in the hallway, lowers her voice, "Are you doing <em>cocaine<em>?"

"Tori... _Fuck. Off._ For the final fucking time. I do not want anything from you; not your sympathy, not your concern. _Nothing_."

"I'm just worried, Jade! I know I hurt you and I hate to see you react this way!"

Jade laughs so harshly that it hurts her own ears, "Ever heard of method acting? I'm rock and roll, baby."

* * *

><p>Cat thinks about Jade all the time, every minute. She wants to be with her, inside her, at all times, and if this is love, then she loves it. She feels more crazy than usual, and she downs shots like a pro to steady herself before she and Jade go out. She is in love love love, but she knows she'll scare Jade away if she isn't careful.<p>

But it's so goddamn hard when every part of her is bursting with how much she's _feeling_, and she just wants Jade to _know_.

* * *

><p>On a rainy Sunday afternoon, Cat makes love to Jade.<p>

Her parents are out and they've been lying around, watching movies and just hanging out. She intertwines their fingers and kisses up Jade's arm, makes her way up to her mouth, and rolls on top of her. Cat normally lets Jade take control, but not this time. She kisses her everywhere, pulls off every item of clothing slowly. She's taking her time, making Jade want it. When she slides her underwear down, Jade's trembling.

It's over much too soon, but not fast enough. Jade pulls on her clothes and stuffs her things into her school bag. Cat stands up, alarmed, but Jade just shoves past her, determined to leave. Cat watches her go, calling her name all the while, and cries for hours after she's gone.

* * *

><p>She's chain smoking outside during lunch period when Beck pops up.<p>

She hasn't spoken to Cat in over a day, and she can't do anything but think about what happened. She doesn't know whats wrong with her and she doesn't know where to go from here. She's in the middle of soul searching when the door opens to reveal Beck. He stands there for a moment, assessing the situation before he decides to sit down next to her. She doesn't move, just allows him to occupy the same space as her. He lights a cigarette and leans back on the palms of his hands, soaking up the sun as smoke rolls out of his lungs.

"How are you?"

"Fucking fantastic," she bites out, "You?"

He sighs, "Not so good, actually."

"Sorry to hear that," she says, acid leaking out of her voice.

Beck doesn't look affected. He sits beside her, smoking his cigarette, and when she moves to leave, he grabs her wrist.

"Talk to me, please?"

His voice is so soft, and his fingers send her heart into overdrive. She thinks he will always have this affect on her.

* * *

><p>They're back together three days later.<p>

Cat sees them making out in the hallway and promptly throws up in the bathroom. She fakes sick and stays out of school for two days, and when she comes back, she avoids Jade and Beck like the plague. She spends lunch in the theater, slumped down in a chair, humming sad songs to herself.

She throws out her ugly, grungy clothes and stops wearing eyeliner. When she can't sleep, though, she listens to metal music until her ears ring.

Jade never even spares her a glance.

* * *

><p>Eventually, things go back to normal.<p>

Well, sort of.

Cat starts sitting with the group again, once Andre coaxes her into it. She doesn't tell him all the details, but by the look in his eyes, he knows why she stopped sitting with them in the first place. She sits between him and Robbie, eyes on her food that she doesn't eat because she can't stomach it. Beck and Jade are nauseating. Tori starts coming over after school again; they paint each others nails and watch movies and do homework. They lisen to the Top 40 on the radio and Cat tries to forget the last few months of her life.

Jade's still biting and angry, but the edge she gained while away from Beck has softened. They hold hands at lunch and he buys her coffee and the world continues to spin. She dreams about tan skin and red hair, bathroom stalls against her back and smoke in her lungs. She and Beck wear nicotine patches together and she pretends Cat does not exsist.

* * *

><p>"I only listen to melodic harmony now. It makes me less homicidal."<p>

"What about rock and roll? Wasn't that your thing for a while?"

* * *

><p>the quote at the beginning is a continuation of the conversation at the end, if that makes it less confusing.<p> 


End file.
